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The Risk We Take For The Change We Make: Overcoming Disappointment

Optimism is a peculiar thing.  It’s so great to have and helpful to keep.  But what on Earth are we to do when we’re getting scared of it?
Time after time, we each face disappointment in our lives.  The source can be anything from work projects falling through to plans with friends becoming no plans at all.
But then there are times where that optimism reaches far deeper than you realized.  That’s where it turns into risk.  Moving forward can sometimes be so painful and scary, you’d rather stay where you are and halt any chance of having to change anything.
Lately, I’ve found myself a little confused.  I’m going to be 34 and I’m starting again.  I’m absolutely comfortable in my own skin and know exactly what I love and what ways I take in the details of life.  I’ve found my passion and my courage to pursue it thanks to the help of people I love dearly.  I have so much acceptance from friends and family who welcome me into their lives without question.  It’s scary, though.  There are certain aspects of myself I’m having to make vulnerable in order to keep moving and evolving.  Things like the prospect of dating again and the idea that I’m back to a blank canvas looking to fill it ultimately with more love and hopefully a new location, or the opportunity to test myself.
Well, it showed up.
And I got burned.  Quickly.  Unexpectedly.  Really, though, it’s been a learning experience.  I wasn’t expecting to finally let myself get excited about a possibly new thing or connection with a person.  But I did.  Just a little bit-  Enough to have hope that I might be able to find some butterflies in there again. It was sad, exciting, new, unknown.. And then it was completely over.  The situation changed literally overnight and I was left to decide if “heartbroken” was OK.  Turns out, it is.
It’s perfectly OK.
But I wasn’t heartbroken over a person.  In fact, I respect him a great deal in the very short time I’ve known him.  I was disheartened over the fact that it took me so much to finally be alright with the idea of a little crush again and then finding out that I’ll have to rebuild that strength again so quickly.  At least it was a quick burn with absolutely no hard feelings at all.  I’m seeing it as just a little reality check-  an opportunity to recalibrate and check my levels.
Regardless of what is happening in our worlds, disappointment is real and, as it turns out, weighs about 19 tons.  We give the benefit of the doubt and even a little of ourselves to the unknown and it goes dark.  We’re left wondering what happened as we’re gathering what’s left of what we gave.
This is what I’m learning, though- Each time we are disappointed by a person or a situation, we’re given an opportunity to push ourselves a little further.  We know now that whatever happens next will be handled- expertly or terribly.  It will be handled.  We know it’s still going to work out alright regardless of if (or when) it all hits the fan.  Disappointment can shed light on things you’re already experiencing to make you that much more grateful they’re happening.. OR that they’ll stop.  Personally, this recent experience just leaves me grateful in general.  I have no doubt that I am the luckiest still.
Sometimes it’s exhausting.   It’s hard to think about it when what you’ve had for years is something you never want to replace.  I won’t ever replace that.  But I can move forward knowing how lucky I’ve been for every experience I’ve had.
In the toughest moments, look around you.  Watch for those who are unchanging and completely undaunted by the prospect of having to help you out of the dark.
They’re the ones who are pushing you forward even when you’re not sure another chance is worthwhile.  They will not disappoint you.

One Word = Two Words:  Which One Have You Heard?

Progress:  n.  A forward or onward movement toward a destination.
Progress:  v.  To move forward in space or time.
The discussion surrounding “Progress Through Compassion” has covered a few key aspects to developing and maintaining a personable working relationship with each of your employees.
The word heard most often?  Progress.  It’s one of those strangely ambiguous English words that can take on two entirely different meanings.
Which one did you hear?
From a management standpoint, this is absolutely crucial to decide two things:
–How you interpret progress in relation to your ultimate goal
–How you put it in action
Now that we have touched on how you relate to your employees and how they relate to you, we can look at how we move forward with those elements in place.  You have your goal set to work jointly toward financial gain and personal fulfillment as anyone with a passion for their business should.  So how do we tie both definitions of progress together?
We open our doors.
All noise, chatter, and tapping of keyboards aside, your door should be wide open.  This isn’t one-sided.  It will allow your employee with a question to know they’re heard.  It’ll allow them to know you’re there just as they are.  It will allow you to stay in-tune with their situations.  It’s a visual representation of compassion.
By literally opening our doors, we allow the concept of Progress Through Compassion to fully evolve.

Progress Through Compassion Take Two: Keys To Learning The Curve

While composing part two of this short series on Progress Through Compassion,
the topic of empathy often comes up when I hear from management teams who are struggling to balance productivity with workplace independence. Employees want to be able to assert their independence as everyone works differently toward the same goal.  This is a beneficial thing, however it can also be detrimental.  Many times, employers find themselves feeling a loss of direction as their employees scatter into different procedures and methods.
So how do we find that sweet spot where our employees feel appreciated, respected, and independently productive?  For many in an employer’s position, this is where empathy becomes a skill to learn.
Here are two key points from that new baseline to regain balance and productivity.
 
Expand your vocabulary to avoid words like “control” or “policy”.
These words are obviously functional and important in any working environment.  But what if we flip that into this:  Control is actually a function of maintaining balance.  Approaching the same principle with a less polarizing perspective by simply switching a word helps to give you a platform while letting your employee stay open to ideas and even constructive criticism.
Take notes.
Take notes-  Not about work.  Not about profit margins or Power Points.  Take notes about what makes your employee tick.  What makes them thrive?  What changes their demeanor or makes their day?
We often get lost in the technical side of conducting business while losing site of WHO is conducting it.  This is your baseline-  your key to moving forward.
I often think of a particularly fantastic Seinfeld reference where “Anyone can take  reservation.”
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Think of this as learning how to “*hold* the reservation.”

Empathy: Progress Through Compassion

Most days, we set out to experience the world with our own perspective-  Our own shoes.  But what happens when empathy is a core value with no set line? How do we draw it?  What if we don’t know how to express or experience it in the first place?

 Empathy is a peculiar thing. It’s a vital form of existence that some possess to an almost torturous degree. We feel deeply both positive and negative things. It’s a gift and a curse all in the shape of one human.  Turbulent and ever changing, it can make or break a life.  The goal for empaths is to balance and sustain it for as long as possible.  We will never give up feeling what we do because we’re lucky we can.  On the opposite end, we wish it would stop to let us feel nothing for a few.
As I experience empathy in my core relationships, I struggle to find a line between two key points:
– Letting it become so strong that I lose sight of my purpose and focus entirely too much on whether or not someone else is struggling.. and..
– Letting it be as it is so that I may trust that things work out as they will.
Just as it applies to our personal relationships,  empathy can be the key to progress in our work relationships. It can be the one link that fills the gap between managing your workload and owning it. Throughout the next two weeks, I will be discussing a few key points to help find, balance, and pursue progress through compassion.

7 Years – 7 Letters – 7 Truths

7 years ago today, I took the first of many chances.
Chances–  7 letters spell the outline of what your life could be.  I’ve had to figure out how to spell it for my world.  Here’s what 7 years and 7 letters have taught me:
C– Change–  This has been the most challenging aspect for me.  The decision to change comes first.  The struggle to keep it stays the whole time.
H– Help–  Helping myself became the key to helping anyone else.  After realizing the difference between doing it selfishly and doing it productively, it has become one of my most valuable resources.  It is often the first word of advice I share with anyone struggling through a personal transformation.  Breathe in your own oxygen first in order to share your energy with others.
A– Ambition–  Setting goals can be overwhelming.  If you’re anything like me, you’re totally not OK with waiting for them.  This is where the smallest goals are the biggest.  I’ve found that setting small, seemingly mundane goals throughout my day or week has been the only way to keep the long-term ones from burning up in a cloud of flames..
N– New– We have all heard about the days being new and how we’re supposed to magically forget our troubles along with the last one.  Here’s what I’ve learned in 7 years of trying to convince myself that it’s possible.  It isn’t.  New, to me, means accepting new perspectives from wherever they show.  New means appreciating a pair of thrift store jeans you couldn’t ever wear before because there weren’t many size 28 Talls around.  New, to me, means looking back and finding the experiences of yesterday becoming an avenue for tomorrow.
C– Challenge–  Challenge comes in many forms.  One of my favorite and most loathed-  Running.  I love it.  I despise it.  It’s agony some days and pure bliss through others.  It’s a challenge and it’s ever-changing.
E– Experience–  We all have it.  How do we share it?  The point is-  We get to.  My scars tell mine quite literally.  My Frankenbody is the paper and I am the pen.
S– Silent Stories–  7 years of transforming physically, mentally, and emotionally has taught me something I never knew I’d need.  I’ve finally applied a term to this.  These are the stories your experiences tell without words.  No one may know where our past started or how it ended up to be our present.  They may judge us before they know.  Even once they do, they may still.  But our silent stories are worth more than we can ever imagine as long as we tell them each day in our actions.
7 years have given me my life back in more ways than I thought possible.  Mostly, they have handed me an infinite amount of chances. 
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(Ok.. And a sweet pair of bat wings I’ve grown to love.)  

How do you spell your chances?

The One With The Food: Quick, Clean, and A No-Bake Guarantee.

As the weather cools off and the evenings free up, I have found myself starting to cook more often.  There’s something about Fall that makes it one of the most peaceful and gratifying things for me to do!

I get asked quite a bit about my favorite go-to recipes and things to keep on hand.  So here we go!  I love to stay with a gluten-free, whole-food approach to anything I make at home.  These are three of my quick and easy favorites!

 

 

Grilled Pineapple, Onions, & Jalapeno

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Stay with me here.. It LOOKS very strange.  It’s actually very good and as a bonus, it’s adjustable!

Slice a fresh pineapple however you like it.  I prefer chopped.  Add a sliced jalapeno and chopped onion and grill until it’s slightly browned.  Trust me on this one.

 

 

Who doesn’t love pancakes?!  On to the next one:

Easy Egg-Banana Pancackes

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This one is just as easy!  I take two fresh eggs and mix them with a banana until it’s a relatively smooth consistency.  The eggs will allow the banana to set.  I grill mine over a little bit of coconut oil until they’re cooked through and drizzle with raw, unfiltered honey.  Perfection in the form of protein and potassium for breakfast.

 

The next one comes with a disclaimer:  These will be gone before they hit the counter.  It may be best to make these under cover of night before the other house mates catch wind of it.

 

 

Reptar Bars 

(Hey.. I had to think of something besides “Magic”..)

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Ground Almonds

Pumpkin Seeds

Pecans

Flaxseeds

Dried Cranberries

Honey

Coconut Oil

You can adjust this however you’d prefer.  I like to take a little of each in a bowl and add the honey and coconut oil until it’s pliable but holds together.  Spread the resulting mixture into a thinly oiled pan until they’re a little over an inch thick.  I cover them with wax paper and let them set for about an hour in the fridge.  This is one that may take some trial and error.  I cannot tell you how many times I’ve ended up with something more like granola cereal instead.  No matter what, it will be just as good!

 

I hope you’ll try these and enjoy!

Translating Transformation- A Different Point Of View

How do you take on something that overwhelms you?
How do you turn doubt into determination?
How do you translate someone’s perception of you or your actions?
These are questions I’ve asked myself as I go through yet another shift in my Darah-fied life.  I keep coming back to the same conclusion:
Transformation isn’t about your image.  It’s about the image of everything else to you.
Let’s break it on down now!
Transformation isn’t about your image.  
How are we presenting ourselves as authentically as possible?  The truth of the matter is this-  Our ability to be authentic requires us to do some ridiculously tough but valuable work in looking at ourselves.  Human nature is to run from discomfort and one of the most uncomfortable things in life is to look at our own flaws while simultaneously displaying our own vulnerability in the form of.. well.. every bit of what makes us who we are.
Transformation is about the image of everything else to you.
It’s about perception. It’s all in the approach and how you choose to navigate things you see and experience. This is where the aforementioned questions come in for me.  Allow me to present a super detailed info-graphic**:
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**Not an accurate depiction of how it looks in my mind.***
*** Note to self: Work on design skills.
If you’re anything like me, an idea can quickly become a challenge.  This can be a good thing!  The problem is this:  If I don’t focus on how I personally approach that challenge, it can then become an obstacle.  The obstacle starts to seem insurmountable.  I start to realize how done I am with stressing over it and I’m back to where I started before I even began.
Lately, I’ve shifted my focus to small changes instead of giant ones.  This strategy allows me to maintain some balance while everything else is shifting.  While I have undergone some pretty sizable transformations in my 33 years, none of them have been without self-doubt, outright failures, and numerous “restarts”-  You know those Mondays where you promise yourself you’ll start fresh right after you enjoy a ridiculously lazy and gluttonous Sunday night.  I have done this using three key thoughts.
*Missing a personal goal isn’t failing as long as I’ve successfully tried.
*Try again.
*Smaller goals in daily life can be as simple as drinking more water than you did yesterday.
True transformation begins with looking at that line between our own view and theirs.  
True transformation shows us our strengths, weaknesses, and willingness to challenge them.