Tag Archive | Balance

7 Years – 7 Letters – 7 Truths

7 years ago today, I took the first of many chances.

Chances– 7 letters spell the outline of what your life could be. I’ve had to figure out how to spell it for my world. Here’s what 7 years and 7 letters have taught me:

C– Change– This has been the most challenging aspect for me. The decision to change comes first. The struggle to keep it stays the whole time.

H– Help– Helping myself became the key to helping anyone else. After realizing the difference between doing it selfishly and doing it productively, it has become one of my most valuable resources. It is often the first word of advice I share with anyone struggling through a personal transformation. Breathe in your own oxygen first in order to share your energy with others.

A– Ambition– Setting goals can be overwhelming. If you’re anything like me, you’re totally not OK with waiting for them. This is where the smallest goals are the biggest. I’ve found that setting small, seemingly mundane goals throughout my day or week has been the only way to keep the long-term ones from burning up in a cloud of flames..

N– New– We have all heard about the days being new and how we’re supposed to magically forget our troubles along with the last one. Here’s what I’ve learned in 7 years of trying to convince myself that it’s possible. It isn’t. New, to me, means accepting new perspectives from wherever they show. New means appreciating a pair of thrift store jeans you couldn’t ever wear before because there weren’t many size 28 Talls around. New, to me, means looking back and finding the experiences of yesterday becoming an avenue for tomorrow.

C– Challenge– Challenge comes in many forms. One of my favorite and most loathed- Running. I love it. I despise it. It’s agony some days and pure bliss through others. It’s a challenge and it’s ever-changing.

E– Experience– We all have it. How do we share it? The point is- We get to. My scars tell mine quite literally. My Frankenbody is the paper and I am the pen.

S– Silent Stories– 7 years of transforming physically, mentally, and emotionally has taught me something I never knew I’d need. I’ve finally applied a term to this. These are the stories your experiences tell without words. No one may know where our past started or how it ended up to be our present. They may judge us before they know. Even once they do, they may still. But our silent stories are worth more than we can ever imagine as long as we tell them each day in our actions.

7 years have given me my life back in more ways than I thought possible. Mostly, they have handed me an infinite amount of chances.

(Ok.. And a sweet pair of bat wings I’ve grown to love.)

How do you spell your chances?

The power, pain, and purpose of the anxious empath.

Jul5

Anxiety is powerful. It exceeds what we are programmed for as human nature suggests. It’s the tense, flailing conductor standing at the front of the orchestra- a timid of circle strangers playing off of each other because they can’t read the notes in front of them.

***

People experience worry so differently and for an unbelievably vast array of reasons. It can be anything from the effects of reading too many current headlines to the uncertainty of any loss big or small.

During a particularly dark time, there is an unending thought in my mind that seems to carry me to the next day when everything else swirls: Where do we find the power in anxiety instead and how do we use it?

***

I am an empath right down to my very core. I probably should have been born with a disclaimer. I experience things both on my own and by way of understanding how others do. I will put your proverbial shoes on if you let me. This is a gift I find equally as torturous as a curse. Bonus- I wonder how my own attempts to understand might become intrusive to someone else as I over-ask, over-explain, and under-chill. In the same existence, I get to see how people operate so eclectically. That intrigue can be overpowering in the best way: It lets me see their intent no matter what.

***

I get to have joy in getting to feel when others have it and there is grief in finding they don’t. There is relief in knowing they feel understood and worry in the abyss of not. It can be debilitating at times because empaths, by nature, cannot let ourselves out of our own heads. Why? Because we’re often so wrapped up in how yours is. We sway with the wind of whatever storm is in your world. We do it willingly because that is exactly why we’re here. It never goes unbalanced, though. We get to take that same little breath of happiness when you get to feel something ridiculously exciting. Selfish bit of a payoff for us? Perhaps.

***

We are the people tapping on the conductor’s shoulder to see why he’s so tense and if there’s anything we can alleviate for him. Often times, it backfires and he’s just wondering why we’ve interrupted the show before we even realize we have. At some point, we’re not letting the maestro lead his own symphony. The code I’m quickly figuring out is that there’s a way to do that without inadvertently using his own stress against him to stop the music:

Trust.

We trust the maestro, his reasons, and his perspective. We learn to trust that we still get to help by doing that very thing. What seems like a mess of out of tune strings may be exactly what his entire overture calls for.

(Empath, blogger, avid Seinfeld referencer.)

***

I am finding that line between the power in experiencing that and how to step aside and simply exist with understanding for whenever it’s needed. That, to me, is using any anxiety I feel to fully see both why it exists for someone and how to trust that it will transform into something worthy of a standing ovation.

***

How many times can I say “I”…

Jun28

I’m the old trying to be new. Sometimes I’m the wrong trying to be right. I’m the work in progress trying to stay that way. I like to think everything balances in the long run..

I love that it all ties together somehow.

I run. I write. I love reading, self-dates, cooking, all kinds of music, and stand-up comedy. I’ll talk to anyone. I’ll talk a lot. Sometimes my filter is broken but that keeps things exciting. I quote Seinfeld and Wayne’s World to the point where it gets awkward. I never speed. I love to dance. I have Earth, Wind, & Fire dance parties on a regular basis. I’m not above crawling on the floor of the thrift shop for the best deals. I go to bed too early.

I have all the joy, anxiety, and irrational fears a single gal can accumulate in just under 34 years.

The last few years of my life have included some huge changes. I’ve learned to fuel myself- To be good to what I have. I’ve learned to keep going. I want to share my new experiences.

I’m thankful for a story to tell.

Me the Foodie…

Jun28

I’ve changed just about everything in my life over the last couple of years. Part of that change involved something I’ve always loved the most. Food. It was the reason for so many things. The reason for celebration. Sadness.. Guilt.. Relief.. Nourishment.. It was the reason I ultimately needed to change my life in order to save it.

Part of my fear in my weight loss journey was being able to stick with new, better habits. What if I couldn’t do it? What if I never found something interesting enough to hold my attention? What if I failed and ended up right back where I started? I weighed my options. I decided this would be require an enirely new lifestyle. Not just counting calories and working out.. This would require a something that would allow me to be free and feel good.. I could not get bored as I had time and time again. I had to stay excited for this to work.

Enter my good friend Gluten. We had to part ways. After several “going away” parties of course. I chose the gluten free route. It seemed easy enough. I could just look for labels that clarified my preference.. I quickly learned how wrong I was. It was discouraging at first. I wanted to give up. That’s when I discovered that I, Darah, would actually get out my pots and pans.. I would conquer this. I started diving into the recipe books. I started reading about the science of all of this. It started to get interesting. I found that I actually enjoy and can completely satisfy my inner-geek with this- my new adventures in cooking.

It’s gone pretty well I’d say.

I’ve discovered that a butternut squash doesn’t have to just sit there and be a butternut squash. It can be brushed with coconut oil, sprinkled with sea salt, and baked into something wonderful.

I’ve discovered that blenders are awesome..

And I’ve discovered how much I love the endless possibilities of something I have always loved so much. The feeling of finally realizing that this is nourishment is beautiful. Food should not be an assault on the body. It should not be the enemy. I am here to share. This is part of my journey.

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