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7 Years – 7 Letters – 7 Truths

Sep27
7 years ago today, I took the first of many chances.
Chances–  7 letters spell the outline of what your life could be.  I’ve had to figure out how to spell it for my world.  Here’s what 7 years and 7 letters have taught me:
C– Change–  This has been the most challenging aspect for me.  The decision to change comes first.  The struggle to keep it stays the whole time.
H– Help–  Helping myself became the key to helping anyone else.  After realizing the difference between doing it selfishly and doing it productively, it has become one of my most valuable resources.  It is often the first word of advice I share with anyone struggling through a personal transformation.  Breathe in your own oxygen first in order to share your energy with others.
A– Ambition–  Setting goals can be overwhelming.  If you’re anything like me, you’re totally not OK with waiting for them.  This is where the smallest goals are the biggest.  I’ve found that setting small, seemingly mundane goals throughout my day or week has been the only way to keep the long-term ones from burning up in a cloud of flames..
N– New– We have all heard about the days being new and how we’re supposed to magically forget our troubles along with the last one.  Here’s what I’ve learned in 7 years of trying to convince myself that it’s possible.  It isn’t.  New, to me, means accepting new perspectives from wherever they show.  New means appreciating a pair of thrift store jeans you couldn’t ever wear before because there weren’t many size 28 Talls around.  New, to me, means looking back and finding the experiences of yesterday becoming an avenue for tomorrow.
C– Challenge–  Challenge comes in many forms.  One of my favorite and most loathed-  Running.  I love it.  I despise it.  It’s agony some days and pure bliss through others.  It’s a challenge and it’s ever-changing.
E– Experience–  We all have it.  How do we share it?  The point is-  We get to.  My scars tell mine quite literally.  My Frankenbody is the paper and I am the pen.
S– Silent Stories–  7 years of transforming physically, mentally, and emotionally has taught me something I never knew I’d need.  I’ve finally applied a term to this.  These are the stories your experiences tell without words.  No one may know where our past started or how it ended up to be our present.  They may judge us before they know.  Even once they do, they may still.  But our silent stories are worth more than we can ever imagine as long as we tell them each day in our actions.
7 years have given me my life back in more ways than I thought possible.  Mostly, they have handed me an infinite amount of chances. 
unnamed

(Ok.. And a sweet pair of bat wings I’ve grown to love.)  

How do you spell your chances?

Translating Transformation- A Different Point Of View

Sep11
How do you take on something that overwhelms you?
How do you turn doubt into determination?
How do you translate someone’s perception of you or your actions?
These are questions I’ve asked myself as I go through yet another shift in my Darah-fied life.  I keep coming back to the same conclusion:
Transformation isn’t about your image.  It’s about the image of everything else to you.
Let’s break it on down now!
Transformation isn’t about your image.  
How are we presenting ourselves as authentically as possible?  The truth of the matter is this-  Our ability to be authentic requires us to do some ridiculously tough but valuable work in looking at ourselves.  Human nature is to run from discomfort and one of the most uncomfortable things in life is to look at our own flaws while simultaneously displaying our own vulnerability in the form of.. well.. every bit of what makes us who we are.
Transformation is about the image of everything else to you.
It’s about perception. It’s all in the approach and how you choose to navigate things you see and experience. This is where the aforementioned questions come in for me.  Allow me to present a super detailed info-graphic**:
image001
**Not an accurate depiction of how it looks in my mind.***
*** Note to self: Work on design skills.
If you’re anything like me, an idea can quickly become a challenge.  This can be a good thing!  The problem is this:  If I don’t focus on how I personally approach that challenge, it can then become an obstacle.  The obstacle starts to seem insurmountable.  I start to realize how done I am with stressing over it and I’m back to where I started before I even began.
Lately, I’ve shifted my focus to small changes instead of giant ones.  This strategy allows me to maintain some balance while everything else is shifting.  While I have undergone some pretty sizable transformations in my 33 years, none of them have been without self-doubt, outright failures, and numerous “restarts”-  You know those Mondays where you promise yourself you’ll start fresh right after you enjoy a ridiculously lazy and gluttonous Sunday night.  I have done this using three key thoughts.
*Missing a personal goal isn’t failing as long as I’ve successfully tried.
*Try again.
*Smaller goals in daily life can be as simple as drinking more water than you did yesterday.
True transformation begins with looking at that line between our own view and theirs.  
True transformation shows us our strengths, weaknesses, and willingness to challenge them.

Overcoming Overwhelm: Five Key Steps To Visualizing, Organizing, And Using It.

Sep6
I sat here for longer than I’d like to admit staring at a blank document- The cursor flashing like a four-way stop light, words ready to be typed once I figured out which ones to use and in what order to do so. The irony was not lost on me.
I’m writing about overwhelm and I couldn’t seem to step back long enough to just let it happen.  Therein lies my first point.
1.  Write down whatever five words show up first.  
It doesn’t matter what they’re about.  They could be about the morning or about something stressful in the office.  They could be about dinner last night.  From there, write 5 more that have even a slight relevance to them.
1st:
Cat
Breakfast
Drive
Blue
Wine
2nd:
Soft
Fed
Travel
Favorite
Break
In one step, I’ve gone from objects of every day life to concepts of things I enjoy.  Let’s take it a step further.
3rd:
Nurture
Health
Goal
Change
Companionship
This strategy can be applied to anything your brain reacts to as an attack.  We are wired to immediately deflect these in the form of doubt.  We doubt this will work.  We doubt we have the ability to overcome whatever is creating our stress.
2.  Visualize everything you can.  
Five apples into one bowl.  Five people into one car.  Five concepts on one hand.  It can be daunting to come up with FIVE things to write.  But visualizing the fact that you can count them on ONE hand will ignite a different part of your brain that involves that familiar fight or flight response to pressure.  Visualizing putting five big things onto one surface lets you know it’s manageable and definitely not as chaotic as you want to think it is.
Apples
3.  Count your steps.
This can be taken literally or figuratively.  There is a technique in anxiety and stress management called “grounding” that I’ve found to be highly valuable in dealing with those moments of overwhelming blankness.  You know the ones-  A crippling sense of absolutely everything and nothing going on in your head at once causing a massive short-circuit and a blown fuse.. Maybe that’s just me.
Literally, the act of stepping away to walk and regroup is highly effective.  As you walk, count.  As you count, just keep doing that.  You’re clearing your head to make way for something simple and naturally restorative.
Figuratively, you’re already over half way through the five key steps to overcoming your situation.
4.  Think of two things you look forward to having settled.
Being an extremely visual person, I consider myself lucky to see this as literally switching off as many lights as possible to focus on just one or two spotlights.  When we’re overwhelmed, it’s relatively easy for us to just shut them all off and walk away from a dark room.  We don’t have to look at it then and will somehow deal with the mess later.  The problem with this is in the build up.  That room is still there full of the mess that has yet to be sorted.  This is where the idea of pulling any two things out will help.
Consider it this way:  Organizing your tasks into a list by order of importance and deadline is the first thing to cross off of it!
5.  Give yourself a break.  
This can be the toughest step to take.  We are wired to be our own worst enemy.  It’s a primal nod to how we evolve as people.  If we didn’t challenge ourselves, we wouldn’t get past merely existing.  In a world full of constant static and distractions, it’s easy to let that natural self-challenge to become self-doubt instead.  There are two common and valid hangups with this step.
The concept of giving ourselves a break can seem counterproductive.
The question I get most often:
“How are we supposed to make progress if we are off taking a break?”
My question back:
“How are we supposed to make progress if we’re too exhausted from not taking one?”
Here’s what I mean:  We have to recharge.  We deserve to do it and trust that it is part of a strategy in reaching a goal.  We cannot reach them if we’re on empty.  Taking a break for even ten minutes of mindless Solitaire is more beneficial than we may realize.  It isn’t all or nothing.  It’s ten minutes of putting cards in order.
The biggest key I try to convey to any one of my peers struggling with stress and exhaustion is this:  You deserve to trust yourself and trust the fact that it will get figured out.  You deserve to slow down and let it.

This is PMDD

Aug28

It’s a war without words as they’ve scattered with as much energy as you wish you had.
It’s a silent corner in the loudest room.
It’s chaos encased in an unmistakable shell of uncertainty.
It’s pushing and twisting every fiber of who you actually are and convincing you otherwise almost the whole time.
It’s elation when you see yourself and horror when you don’t.
It’s a plea for peace and a call for a fight.
It’s needing anyone to understand and being frustratingly relieved when they aren’t there to do it.
It’s the pain of feeling alone and the peace of knowing you aren’t.
It’s a quest for relief however it shows up.
It’s trusting that it will.
It’s a fight to breathe when you don’t want to anymore.
It’s a burden until it isn’t.
You’re a burden until you know you aren’t.
It’s a fight to see what’s worthwhile.
It’s a fight because YOU are.
It’s your struggle, your triumph, your will to use it.
It’s reality.
It’s not your fault.
It’s ok.
In my personal struggle, my hope is to somehow use the dominance of that pain to dilute someone else’s.  If you are suffering, please reach out even if just to exist with another person for a bit.  There is help and you deserve to find it.

The Sweetness of Break Time

Aug7
The office candy dish-  Something so simple and petite-  A tiny accent in the corner of a giant, marble desk.
The glass dish has become somewhat of a staple for the buzzing lobby of our corporate office.  Here’s the thing-  It didn’t begin that way.  In my position, I get to be in the center of a large multi-level office.  My vantage point is filled with beautiful granite and marble, soaring windows, and a serene view of our own private pond.  I hear the soft undertone of deals being made and deadlines being set.
Each person is navigating their day in the same space with the same ultimate goal in vastly different ways.
 
As I settled into my job, I quickly realized how many different personalities crossed my desk each day.  They would walk up with enough time to breathe, vent their frustration, take in the views, and quietly move along after an impromptu pep talk.
The most common complaint in the corporate world has to do with differing personalities.  We are challenged to not only get along with an wide range of opinions and work styles, but to do it productively.  These differences affect really every aspect of our work day from projects and deadlines to the ability to work independently in peace.  In my office, there were conflicts coming in at an alarming rate.  The morale was dropping as the complaints and tension soared.  Something interesting and refreshing happened, though.  The fulcrum-  A 5 pound bag of Tootsie Rolls.
Tootsie
I filled a glass vase to the top.  The corner of my desk transformed into a peaceful space I lovingly dubbed “The Zen Zone”.  The objective- Grab 5 minutes, a Tootsie Roll, and some perspective.
Before long, the jar was depleted and ready to be refilled.  We now gauge our days on a scale of 1-19 Tootsie Rolls.  We laugh more.  The frustrations turned into stories.  They turned into sharing about families and pets complete with photos.  My coworkers started to relax even for a moment by stepping out of their spaces to share this one.
Employees-
In your daily work spaces, how are you interacting with your coworkers?  How does your personality or experience evolve in 40 hours of sharing it each week?
 
Employers-
What ways are you contributing to employee morale?  What policy changes might you consider to alleviate stress from the human side of your work space?
My challenge to everyone is this-
Find one easy, streamlined tool to center your space.  We can find ideas for such things by listening between the words of your coworkers and employees.  Check out Pinterest for fun office ideas.  Better yet, collect various ideas and go for a vote.  The effort to extend something purely beneficial to your peers is ultimately beneficial for your company.
What will become your “saving vase”?

The Break And The Balance Of Using Our Stress

Aug1

Our brains are wired to respond to stress and stimulation in very specific ways.  Adrenaline, endorphins, Serotonin, and Cortisol are all ready to fire in an effort to balance your body.

But what if we take the same approach as the humans that embody all of these chemicals and hormones?  What if we are able to have complete control of how WE respond to our situations and the actions we take just as the body responds to what it perceives as something that needs fixed?

This is where the pure benefit of stress management outweighs any situation we are experiencing.  In the midst of all of the chaotic physical responses to our stress, our bodies are just trying to balance.  We often forget to do the same outside of the physical form of us.

Here are my favorite five stress management essentials proven to alleviate some of the physical side effects of our experiences.

1.  Handle with care.

Being prepared for the inevitable curveballs life throws isn’t just about having a backup plan.  It’s about what you’ll do when it’s time to use it and what you’ll do if even THAT falls through.  We are programmed for comfort.  If you find yourself getting into that loop of negative thoughts, here’s your opportunity to physically make an effort to change your scenery.  Talk a walk.  Step outside.  Sit down and compile a grocery list.  Doing something small will be reason enough for your brain to take some of the focus away from the chaos.

2.  Look for the gifts.

We don’t have to accept everything with great positivity.  In fact, we can allow ourselves to get angry or upset.  I find almost daily that if I’m frustrated or overwhelmed with any situation, my instinct is to let it sink me.  That’s natural.  Luckily, I have also discovered that I learn an incredible amount of patience through such things.

Our trials are our tools to find what we’re really made of and, more importantly, what we’re made for.

3.  Give.

When our own lives get to be too consumed with daily stress, we tend to look only at OUR current status.  We tend to block out much of what goes on with others simply because we’re consumed with trying to balance ourselves.  But here’s a flip side I have found to be invaluable;  Giving your energy to someone else in need of it breathes new energy into you.  It clears out some of the space in your own mind as you use that pent up stress to fuel an effort to give.  When you wake up to racing thoughts of pressure from work, sadness over a loss, or even just a feeling of being stuck, USE that anxiety.  The negative energy you shed in walking up to a volunteer opportunity gets to be transformed into positive energy for someone else as they hold the tray you’re filling for them.

4.  Sit down.

I see people every day who have somehow convinced themselves that they don’t deserve a break.  The fact is, breaks are not earned.  They’re required in order to keep going.  We cannot operate without them.  I’ve found that it’s more of a responsibility to take reasonable breaks in order to fuel actual productivity and clarity.

5.  Rinse and Repeat.

This is perhaps the most difficult step for me.  After the exhaustion of mental and physical response to stress and putting in the effort to practice the first 4 essentials, it’s often more daunting to me to do it all over again.  The key I’ve found here is patience-  Slowing down and trusting that the process of repeating eventually gets easier.  Implementing new ideas in handling stress is stressful in itself.  If we are able to step back however, we will see that it does get easier.  It becomes the automatic response.  This is where using stress is crucial.

Eventually, we handle our situations as they slowly, but surely stop handling us.